Carried old cupboard, in pieces down three stairs, friend picked me up in car, throwed it away, went grocery shopping, is supposed to be at The Salvation Army in an hour and a half. AHHHHHH stressed out. Probably a temperature, stomach feeling funny. DIARRHOEA on it's way? Friends want me to come buy for a moving in party......AAAAAA is afraid wants to stay at home in my sofa.
All my life I have wanted a life like this. I never had a lot of friends, never worked or studied good enough, never lived in a nice apartment, always felt alone left in the world. (Though my parents and some friends always stood by me.) AND NOW WHAT. I have been fighting for 8 years to get this far, AND I CAN'T TAKE IT. I feel crazier than in a long time, sicker than in a long time and I haven't been able to work properly for a month. I am week physically and paralyzed mentally. I want to tell my friends to get off my back, stop intervene.
They want me to say something at church today, I love that. My ego loves that. AND NOW ALL I AM THINKING OF IF WHAT IF I HAVE TO GO TO THE TOILET. OR STOP TELLING ME I AM A GOOD NICE PERSON AND THAT YOU LOVE ME: I want to be loved, and hugged, but when people do I want to tell them, Oh you don't really know me. If you did, you wouldn't be hugging me. Maybe I'll just pop up and say, hey I am a depressed, bisexual, nagging ever doubting sort of christian. NICE, don't think so.
Anyway, the fewer post you see this weekend, the better. I hope that means I do Terry's. It could mean I am in the bathroom.
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